| How did David LeBarron Spend World AIDS Day? |
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It was my constant mission to be as AIDS activist-y as possible… um.. after I remembered it was World AIDS Day.
But then I was bound and determined to…do….um…something? I think I was supposed to wear red. I didn’t. I would have. I look cute in red. I just forgot till I got to my office and oops there I was all purple American Appareled. Even though I doubt wearing red cures AIDS, I felt lame. To make up for my lack of color commentary, I decided on a grassroots approach! I will greet each person I see with AIDS. Wait no, not greet them with AIDS.. I mean with a catchy AIDS phrase! Happy AIDS Day! seems inappropriate and only Alex will think it’s funny. Which it’s not funny. Ok it’s a little funny. But not to the masses. And damn it, I am bring the cause to the masses! I went to Starbucks to buy my AIDS coffee. I looked at the barista and said “umm.. so a portion of this goes to AIDS?” He goes ”yeah like nickel or something I don’t really know.” “Well keep up the good work,” I muttered. I meant that to sound more empowering. I contemplated going to another Starbucks and this time saying. “Hey Dude, keep up the AIDS stuff man.” But I’m not really suppose to be drinking a lot of caffeine and I’m not sure I could have handled any more late-teen angst which cleverly passes for apathy these days. I tried looking in the bathroom mirror and holding up my fist in a power to the people move and in my lowest voice somberly saying “AIDS.” Believe it or not, I do try to not look lame.
Also the meet and AIDS-ly greet scenario only really works if you see a lot of people in your day. I pretty much work alone. Alex already got the Happy AIDS Day greeting. So I decided to facebook it. I write on my status “David is trying not to say Happy AIDS Day to people.” (Clever right? I say it without saying it!) I got 2 responses and an eye roll. My revolution fizzled out and I can’t even preach to the choir. Not so clever. I am so lame. Then there’s the problem that I wanted to celebrate that we’re alive. That we were smart enough to get tested and take care of ourselves. That HIV stops with me every day and wow we fucking ROCK! Look at us we even have a cool website! And yes this is a problem. We have to be careful don’t we. We want to celebrate us but not a disease. We want to live with no shame but want to scold others not to get it. Recently a friend of mine tested positive and I got so mad at him. We all did actually. Everyone who found out was furious. “How could he?” “How stupid!!” “That fucking idiot!!” “He knew better.” was said behind his back. Cause, once again, it’s that bitch sword where you don’t blame the victim but man you just wanna slap him a few times. So I sent him a cheery “how are ya?” email. And since he doesn’t live in LA I lamely counted that as the WORLD part of World AIDS Day. Man, being empowered and in-your-AIDS-face made me cranky! Fuck World AIDS Day! What was I supposed to do? I wanted to do something more. Special. I volunteer and crap, and hell, I made a whole freaking HIV short, but somehow all alone in front of my very annoying computer screen I felt like nothing I do is enough. I felt invisible again. I clutched my latte for comfort and it had gone room-temp. Oddly, I remembered the time my Mother sent me money for my gym membership and I was like “Mom, why did you send me $34?” and she said she needed to do something to help keep me healthy from this disease. That’s when I got it. World AIDS Day isn’t about me, David doing something. It’s about us. The giant Earth us. That we are here. The small town faggot us. The sick mothers praying not to orphan their babies us. The political us. The day to day us. And most importantly, all those of US who need to do something. Some of whom have never done anything. Many of whom do something everyday: whether it be working with patients, writing politicians, or simply surviving. And we are not alone. And we are doing good. And the day commemorates that by uniting us in red shirts and lattes and it’s so not lame. It’s awareness and I guess I had to remember that awareness starts with self awareness. In a village in Africa, an organization I volunteer with: Kageno, had a day of HIV solidarity. In their newsletter yesterday they stated: “There were soccer matches, sack races and games of tug-of - war. There were condom demonstrations, powerful presentations made by people living with AIDS and voluntary counseling and testing for those interested in knowing their HIV status. Awareness was raised, stigma was lowered - and because of your support, lives will be saved. It’s as simple as that.” It is as simple as that, isn’t it? So instead of spending World AIDS Day trying desperately to do something on the day, I thought about what I’ve done over the past year: The few bucks to the AIDS ride. To the AIDS walk. The AIDS marathon. The petitions signed. Voting for a better tomorrow. Surviving. Encouraging others to get tested. Living each day out, proud and fabulous. Which of course led me to next year’s day. What will I reflect upon next year? How can I be inspired by what so many great people are doing? Will I even be here to reflect? And by gods, how can I remember to wear a red t-shirt so I don’t have another identity crisis! —
David LeBarron is a filmmaker, writer and actor who hates slashes. Check out his work! (or be left out of the loop and be publicly mocked.)
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